Does the Journey Seem Long?
Finding Healing in Christ: Reframing Our Painful Thoughts
Do you find yourself trapped in the same struggles or reliving the same painful experiences or memories, wondering, Why is this still happening? or Why does this still hurt so much? You believe the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ can heal and help you forgive and rise above any challenge, yet some trials continue to haunt you—even to the point of causing long lasting emotional, and sometimes even physical, pain that seems to rob us of the ability to feel the joy we thought we were promised as true disciples.
As I set the words of the hymn Does the Journey Seem Long? to new music, they seemed to tell my story:
"Does the journey seem long, the path rugged and steep? Are there briars and thorns on your way? Do sharp stones cut your feet as you struggle to rise? Is there no one your burden to share?" The same words I’d always heard suddenly resonated with me because I gained a different perspective while working on a new setting. Similarly, whether we face trials that are short or long in duration, changing our outlook can make the biggest difference in what our story truly becomes. Same circumstance, different story.
Someone close to me caused deep trauma within our family, leaving me feeling trapped in a toxic situation with no clear way out. We were in crisis for years, and though I tried to be an anchor for those around me, I found myself burdened by shame, comparison, and mourned expectations. Link by link, those thoughts formed a chain that wore down my mind and body. Anxiety and depression worsened. I felt like I had lost my singing voice—a part of me as vital as breathing. I sometimes felt too broken, too exhausted to climb over the “sharp stones” that cut my feet. In my darkest moments during the suffocating “heat of the day”, I didn’t want to “look upward in joy” as Joseph Fielding Smith suggests in “Does the Journey Seem Long”. Sometimes, I didn’t even want to get up. My mind and body felt like prisoners to the painful thoughts on replay in my mind.
An Aha Moment in Scripture
I came across these verses a few years ago as I was preparing a talk and they subsequently stuck in my mind throughout my years of struggling:
"But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts… (skipping ahead), and observe to keep the commandments of God, and continue in the faith… ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not."
— Mosiah 4:30
"…and our thoughts will also condemn us: and in this awful state we shall not dare to look up to our God."
— Alma 12:14
Since reading these verses, I have noticed how wonderfully they correlate with principles of mental wellness. I truly believe that to “perish” and to be “condemned” are not punishments of a loving God, but rather, they are natural consequences of the views and feelings a person may have about themself and they stop our spiritual progression. While I cannot always control my circumstances—and I definitely can’t change the genetics that make me and my loved ones more susceptible to mental health struggles—I can control the thoughts that often lead the highly sensitive individuals to spiral downward. Striving to move upward in faith, the Lord can help me find new thoughts and establish new patterns to keep me from self condemnation and even destruction as we face our daily challenges. We know from Moses 1:39 that we are designed to have joy! But, for some of us, it’s more about learning joy or learning how to control our thoughts and navigate our emotions to make room for joy.
Breaking Free: How to Stop Reliving Pain
So, how do we stop cycling through thoughts that keep us stuck? How do we avoid condemning ourselves and others?
For things to change, we have to do something different.
1. Seek the Right Kind of Help
Reaching out for support is not weakness—it’s wisdom. We need wise friends as we travel through life—friends that will share our burdens and “take hold of [our] hand”. Friends that sustain us when we are either running close to empty, or needing enough resources to give to the emotionally bankrupt friends or loved ones. Feeling unconditionally loved is the foundation for any healing. Feeling loved, wanted, supported, and even needed are key ingredients to finding joy along our difficult paths. Of course, our perfect friend is Jesus Christ, who loves unconditionally and succors us in our time of need. But, there are times when we need to feel his love in a tangible way through the earthly angels that exude the gift of charity. We may not have to look very far to find that wise friend. Perhaps there are sparks of that love in our families, congregations, or neighborhoods and all we need to do is have the courage to express our needs.
Beyond supportive family and friends, I hope we have gotten to the point in our culture that there is no stigma associated with therapeutic care for those in emotional distress. There are professionals that have been blessed with the talents, skills, and knowledge to help others through trauma, mental illness, struggles with neurodiversity, and many other adversities. I owe a debt of gratitude to many of those professionals.
While I’m not a therapist myself, I’ve learned a great deal in my own mental health journey and in supporting, advocating and serving loved ones with mental illness and/or neurodiversity for many years. There are so many approaches to therapy and mental wellness, and what helped me may not help you—but I’ll continue to share experiences that may be helpful to others.
2. Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions
One of the most important steps in healing and finding joy in the journey is allowing ourselves to fully feel sorrow, anger, or loss. Instead of suppressing our pain, we can use various techniques to fully process our emotions. Many techniques include meeting with others who’ve had similar experiences.
You can also invite trusted friends or professionals into that space of vulnerability. Some of my favorite people are those that have shared their stories with me because I’ve unloaded some of my mess with them. Shared experiences create a bond and connection that turns acquaintances into soul siblings.
Processing emotions also may take more time than we anticipate. Not every disappointment or loss carries the same weight. Some individuals with more sensitivity may need more time to recover or even decompress in order to recharge or reset their emotional barometer.
3. Give Yourself New Thoughts
If you’ve ever used the five step, self-coaching framework developed by Brooke Castillo of the Life Coach School, CTFAR (Circumstance → Thought → Feeling → Action → Result), you may have learned that a circumstance is something that is not within our control. But, just like the scriptures referenced earlier teach us, we can and should watch and control our thoughts. Out thoughts are what lead to our feelings and those feelings then become the motivation behind our actions, which creates a result.
When this model was first introduced to me by a life coach, I didn’t find it all that helpful. I think because I was in desperate need of validation and empathy. In the deep, mud-filled trench it was like the coach handed me a pick axe instead of a rope to climb out. I didn’t have that foundation yet—I didn’t feel unconditionally loved in my circumstance.
Through a different life coach, I learned that as we process events of the past, we have the power to rewrite our stories and replace the negative thoughts with thoughts that will lead to different results.
I realized in my relationship with the person that caused trauma in my family, I was telling myself the wrong story. I was assigning blame towards him instead of looking at him for what he truly is—a child of God to be loved. I had the opportunity to be The Lord’s hands—to minister with patience, unconditional love, and charity, even if I didn’t understand the actions of this individual.
With this new information, I felt I had two choices:
Dwell in hurt, anger, and bitterness, replaying painful memories and allowing them to have power over me.
Choose an empowering thought: God trusts me to use this as an opportunity to put into practice the principles he’s taught me and give love to someone who at times seems unlovable.
That shift in perspective didn’t just heal my relationship with this person—it transformed all my relationships. I began to see my dealings with my fellow men as opportunities to love as the Savior loves.
The Savior: The Ultimate Healer
In Does the Journey Seem Long?, the Savior is the one sitting with us in our pain. He gives us new thoughts. He empowers us. He shows us what’s possible if we let Him prevail in our lives.
And He doesn’t just work through spiritual impressions—He also sends earthly angels. People who sit with us. People who mourn with us. People who help us rewrite the stories we tell ourselves.
When we respond to adversity by turning to Jesus Christ, we can look forward with confidence to the day when:
"No tears shall be shed and no sorrows remain."
On that day, our past will no longer weigh us down. Instead, it will stand as a witness of the Savior’s healing power—the proof that Jesus Christ truly is the Author and Finisher of our faith.
*While I believe that in many difficult circumstances, we can learn to have joy, I don’t condone anyone remaining in situations that compromise physical or psychological safety. No one should feel pressured to stay in a relationship or situation where there is abuse of any kind.
